HOW TO UNSCRAMBLE YOUR WEDDING GUEST LIST?

Congratulations! If you are reading this, it means that you are engaged now and wheeling to start a new phase of your life, with your fiancé. I can guaranty that this new chapter is 100% amazing.But now, let’s get into the subject of this post.

It doesn’t really matter if you are planning a destination wedding or if your wedding will take place in your hometown, we all face the same problems while trying to decide to whom we should invite, and this can cause stress and family drama, but you need to be strong and to be true to your vision.

Unless the budget of your wedding is enormous and you are free to invite whomever you, your parents and the entire society wants, you will actually face one of the most challenging subjects into the planning process, and this is something that is totally up to you, neither your best friend, your wedding planner or a wizard can help you with, I am sorry for the bad news.

I have been in your position while planning my wedding and I can tell, this is a headache; you have to stand up for your vision, what you want and what your budget is. Believe me, I get you, I am from a Mexican family (and Mexican families are huge), and if you add into this equation that my parents are divorced and that some members of my family love drama (specially my mom), you may know that dinner is served. But don’t be afraid, there is no need to panic, I’ll give you some key advices to win the “guests” battle .You will have to ask these question to yourself each time you face the situation of adding someone to your guest list, and you can see at the end of the post a flow chart for you to visualize and unscramble your wedding guest list.

1.      Have you been in contact with this person in the last month or even before?

For me this is a crucial question, if this candidate hasn’t been in your life and you haven’t been into his/her life in the last month, it probably means that you are not that close. I know a wedding is all about feelings and love, but there are sometimes that you have to step back and give a cold look into everything and be aware of what you really wants. I know this is a hard and difficult question to start with, and there are some other aspect that must be considered, there are millions of circumstances that stopped you from keeping in touch in the last month, which lead us to the following question.

2.     Have this person been by your side in good and bad moments of your life?

Your wedding is a happy moment, and I truly believe that the people who have been with you in the bad and saddest moments of your life are the ones that “earned” the right to be with you in your greatest day. Visualize that moment, when you were admitted to the hospital for a treatment, when your mom had an accident or when you face economic problems that partially stops you to continue studying, who were those who were by your sides during the bad moments?, and on the contrary, Do you remember who was with you when you got to college, when you got your longed university degree and when you got your first professional job?; if this person was there in both scenarios maybe is time for you to include him/her in the guest list.

3.    Are your parents paying the wedding?

Let’s accept it, there are some compromises that even you can’t escape from, maybe you don’t know this person, or maybe your do, but there is not relationship at all; but let’s be honest, if your parents are paying for the wedding or a part of it, they have the right to decide or at least propone some guests that they want them to be on the wedding.

 My advice for this case is that you decide a number of guests that your parents can invite, you can do this randomly just deciding a number of guests that you can accept or there is another cold way that you can use as a reference for knowing the number of guests that you can accept, applying a percentage of the money your parents are providing in comparison of the total budget o the wedding, of course this only works if they are helping with the expense, but no paying them all and keep the secret, this second option can be a little bit tricky if your parents know about  it.

No matter what your situation is, I can guaranty that the mentioned questions and the provided flowchart can help you to go through this process in an easier way:

You can also use questions number one and two for deciding if you will invite your coworkers. These questions can help you to figure out that some of them were actual friends. You spend time with them outside work, going to dinner, movies and they’ve helped you with personal issues and with other situations related to work. 

At the end of the road you will spend this precious day with the people you love the most and loves you back. As I mentioned is all about to earn the right to be with you. The decision of not inviting them will probably push you away for some of them, but you are starting a new chapter, so maybe it’s time to ask to yourself if those relationships where worthy and start caring and maintain the relationships you already have with the people you love and also build new relationships.